Top 5 pet peeves
- Really bad service
- Wearing sneakers without socks
- Smoking in a non smoking area
- Chewing with your mouth open
Ten likes and dislikes
Dislikes were highlighted because I really do not like them. See you tomorrow.
Having a personal blog is one of the most excruciating thing out there. Mainly because you have to constantly remind yourself that the blog is for you by you and well usually about you too. The tide gets rough when you do not get as much traffic as you expected or wanted, which is the state my blog is in, and you start questioning your writing skills, purpose and reality. You are constantly torn between sharing too much and not saying out right.
This is when you need a support system, family and or friends who were most probably present at the start, to remind you of your original goals, there is a high chance that the cruel reality of the internet will hit you hard and leave you in a state of confusion. Whilst dazed and confused from the back hand of how little an impact you might be making with your blog, the likelihood of you giving up increases and hence the need for a functioning support system. There are some people I am close to but I do not really talk about my blog with them, sometimes the blog is a separate entity, one I cannot fully explain or want to talk about. But the ones I do talk to about it often keep me posting my random weird thoughts that are clearly not everyone’s cup of tea.
Second piece of advice, have clear set goals as to what your blog should be about. I have to confess when it comes to this part I lack consistency mainly because I only write when I have a thought that is nagging my everyday existence. Unfortunately this does not happen as often as I would like and it does not come in one form. Sometimes it is poetry or its like today’s post. Whatever you do, do what you feel is good, might as well make a blog that one thing in life you do how you want, that is if everything else is minutely controlled by unforeseeable circumstances.
Do not compare your personal blog to other blogs, you will think at first that it is good to check how others are doing it, before long you are caught in the trap of not measuring up to the next guy. Honestly it is like comparing personalities or D.N.A, two will never be the same, familiar but not exact. Three years on, I am proud of my blog, it is my baby and I have no hesitation telling whoever wants to hear about it. I started my blog as a therapeutic way of me dealing with the various issues I deal with, as well as provide some insight for those curious about how some of live on this side of the world. Curious enough most of my readers are not on the African continent. But most importantly I started my blog to help someone out there who thinks they are alone in a similar struggle I am in.
Lastly, do not be afraid to evolve, indulge the change you have become, you can only stay the same before even your reflection is bored of you. Still on the inquisitive tip : Have I evolved to be what I wanted to be or what I was meant to be? Happy Blogging and for my non-bloggers, happy evolving.
You made me feel invisible and that it was never okay to be who I am
I have lived my life like no one’s watching
And that has allowed me to dance,sing, shout and laugh like there’s nobody watching
Special shout out to people who have victimized me for being a tomboy
You made me second guess who I was until I was sure
In my every bone that the voice I listened to was really my heart
And to the special people who went to the trouble of making fun of my small features
Thank you for showing me just how cruel the world is
Almost nothing gets me off guard now that I know what people can say to a young girl
Words are powerless to express my gratitude
To the people who bluntly told me I would not make it past high school
It made me study twice as hard every time I failed
Because I had to prove you wrong
And for that, I appreciate making it to University even more
Thanks a ton to everyone I cared for who gradually forgot about my existence
No pain measures against a love one who no longer holds a torch quite like the fire
that still burns for them inside you
It got me paranoid about what was wrong with me
It eventually became a cycle till I realised such is life
It has made me love harder because like you, it could disappear anytime
All my love and thanks to the people who have said no to my words
It is only through rejection that my words have found depth
To the ironies of life, it was so awesome of you
To turn up every time I thought my life could not get worse
I have suffered many sleepless nights only for the truth to dawn on me
That I will never have it all figured out
So why not shut it all out and throw my hands to the sky
Words honestly can’t describe how thankful I am
To everyone who belittled me
You drove me to the edge, where I felt even smaller
It gave me first hand experience of what it feeels like to have nothing to live for
It gave me the courage to start a blog where I could voice out to as many people at the edge as possible
So they can look around and find they are never alone
And to the few I have ever let in and still broke my heart regardless
Please accept my vehement protestations of gratitude
After a great deal of self loathing and despair that again kept me up at night
That often causes me to withdraw, I have found myself closer to God
How can I show how grateful I am?
To the random strangers that have smiled at me, or the people in my life who have made me apart of their lives
You have made my existence a whole less awkward
And you have renewed my faith in the humankind
Without you there is no faith, hope and charity
To fuel the free-spirit I am today .
Feel like pulling out my hair
If it wasn’t falling out already
I had it all figured out
Nurtured by horror stories of the consequences
But those were just lies my mother told me
No one could imagine the ordeal
Later on relate the unimaginable emotional roller-coaster
That it takes a few thoughtless decisions
To reduce your existence; expectations to nil
I wish the regret dawned years later
But the dark cloud latches onto you within seconds of penetration
Of the forbidden fruit
Never knew anything could involuntarily take so much from me
Stripped to the soul
No amount of clothing could shield me from the cold gust of disgust
No amount of water can wash out the self hatred
Its not the actual act as it is the idea that I thought I was a cut above the rest
That I was in control, yet I am falling to dust
I have been humbled by the mistake that brought me back to earth
Now as I free fall to my demise
I know my rebirth will be crowned by humble realizations
That everyone’s mistake is thinking they too good to make that one mistake.
2014 started as a healing phase for my siblings and I, at least on my part. In the sense that I had not untill this year lived with my brother or sister for four years and counting. I was always in school and I only visited them once year which barely compensated for the other eleven months. But thanks to this year I got to know the adult version of the looming figures I grew up worshipping as a kid. I got to witness behind the scenes action of how my ambitious, success driven sister comes to make her dreams a reality with just God and her dreams as her ammunition. She has a meticulous way of planning ahead which means more secure fun times, but then again it also leaves a lot of room for disappointment. I have witnessed one of my super heroes fall and rise and I have had to deal with the fact that my sister is human after all despite what I have convinced myself in the past. She has also had to make peace with my unconventional outlook on life and by now she is not entirely embarrassed by my dressing, the way I walk or the little things that fascinate me.
Then there is my older brother with a very mellow approach t life, which of course contradicts my sister’s views completely. Often I found myself with two sets of advice which barely complimented each other, due to the fact that my brother and sister are very much their own persons, with the common ground of having me as a little sister. The only other thing we have in common is our will to survive despite the circumstances. Believe it or not through some very tough times in 2014 we found ourselves brushing problems off on account that we really have been through tougher times. Its never easy been raised by a single parent in an unforgiving economic situation. My brother always has the same advice to give me just in different words: IT’S ALL GOING TO BE FINE, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. He has been an unexpected pillar of strength in a very unconventional way. We got a ‘bromance’ thing going on and fits into my life perfectly.
At the end of it all, as I leave for university in a couple of weeks, I have mastered it all, how to balance out my brother’s and sister’s advice and influence. As we part ways I am confident we will remain close and in spirit conquer it all together.
I know you know I noticed you look at my derriere
Impressed BLAH; by the depressed BLAH
You finally gather your kahunas
Then your constant BLAH earns you a second encounter
Strictly come sexy
Extremely uncomfortable I pitched
Oldest trick in the book played:
“Tell me more about yourself”
I smile; you are captivated
I speak from the heart as always
You listen with all the wrong instruments
All you see are my lips moving
While ‘you know what’ hears BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!
Just finished the story about losing my father
You lick your lips; eyes dilated
Pretty sure you are past second base with me already
I usually just get a condolence
I say more BLAH; You zone out BLAH
Still curious about the man behind the inappropriate glances
Shallow references to possessions I care the least about
Sweep me off my feet to your place you planned
The jig is up
Gosh; the way you uplift my body with your eyes
If only you paid that much attention to the being inside
Hoping to separate the body and spirit
Trying your charm like fractional distillation
I am trying to add depth to your sight cave men
But then again BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!
My abrupt departure blah; you confused blah
Energy wasting explanations I do not have time for
Its in the knowing women handbook
Should have gotten it when you got your goods too
Guess you and the rest of the nincompoops out there did not get the memo
Then you will only hear more BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!
And even more walk aways.