Crawling thoughts linger

It’s not about you

Vain as you may be this is not about you

It’s not about how left,right and center

You show how I am the only one lost

And at the mercy of distractions

It is about how I can move on but I cannot

Its about how I dance and sing along to Alanis Morisette in my undies

It is about how I am surviving one day at a time

About blank dreams and overdoses that let me float not too far from this realm

Mostly about how memories are on silent and I watch as if I never felt them

But something still lingers

Like the funny smell in my room hours after a hotbox session and burnt incense sticks

This is about missed calls from a sister who I cannot lie to anylonger

Because I am not okay but i do not why

This is about my having ideas and dreams

And no one willing to listen like you did

Again this is not about you

It is about how I am overwhelmed but not crazy

But not understanding how I barely balance it all

I am not the super girl you pinned me out to be

If I were would you not be at my feet begging me for forgiveness

But I am the last thing you want

And I am coping with that

What keeps me up now are questions that have no answers

And I know you do not have the answers

I mean why should you go opening doors you do not know will close

For a girl you vaguely remember,

and just nod to when it comes to people you used to know

Because you have no place in my future

That’s how it is supposed to be

But that is not how it is

Reality is I do not want to have kids

Because the world is dying

And there is so much I can protect them from

I am in school just cause but I do not think anyone really values

a good education

I asked for the world to stop the other day

So I will be right here waiting for everyone to get back to their senses

And realize there’s more to life than Instagram and money

And it is never okay for a child to hold a gun

The truth is i do not know what this is about

But I know that it was inspired by seeing you do okay

Smiling and talking to a pretty girl

Because I know she is prettier than me

But I  have no desire to be anyone but me

Is it ignorant of me to not want to conform to this world

And just hope and pray God saves us all

I do not know what to know

Just that I have blank dreams about you lately

So I pray for you.


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