Love-Sick Twisted Game

2015-03-05 10.03.08You don’t love me, if you did I would feel more complete. That’s what they say right, that love completes you? I am young and restless, I am young and determined. I grew up before I should have, got addicted to pain along the way. You found me wild as can be, screaming and scratching anything in my way, broken and unable to recognize anything good in this world. Only your touch tamed me to be a free spirit. But I am still convinced you do not love me.

When I could finally face my reflection, you told me I could be prettier if I dolled up. I explained my beliefs and you threatened to take away the walls of security your arms built for me. Just when I finally thought I was ready to face the demons of my past; you would not hold my hand and be by my side. That’s when I knew you could not possibly love me.

When I finally accepted you as my destiny and dedicate all that I have to you; you constantly reminded me that we might have different fates. As you healed old wounds, I finally let my heart free to choose you. Time and time again you do not fall short of reminding me how I inadequately love you. How could the one who pulled me from the wreckage and seen my scars unattended not understand where I am coming from. How can you look through your own creation as you would a failed experiment? How can you love me, the one one thing you heal and destroy simultaneously? Is it that you can not comprehend the extent to which you molded the woman before you.

You do not love me like you did yesterday. Today you are pushing me back into the darkness you pulled me out of just yesterday. Forgive my inexperience but when was I to learn to love.  In between life’s storm or when the waves constantly swept away  any certainty I could possibly hold on to. I don’t believe you can love me, it’s not in your genetic make up; to save , nurse and love broken wings. Maybe I never was saved; maybe it’s the nightmare continuing, giving me false hope just to crush me twice as hard. Maybe this corner I fold myself into isn’t two walls meeting. What if you are just like those other monsters sent to destroy me, knowing that wounds from a broken heart never truly heal. What if these words could finally stir something in you; to stop and realize  that you can not love me the way you do.

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