9-13

Photo0212I made a resolution today, to leave this chain of thoughts that glorifies you into a saint you are not. I had the stones to leave, to abandon ship, so from now on I will ignore your very apparent existence. I also had the stones to admit to myself, a little truth that hurts, that I miss you. I miss the person you are when we are alone, if that makes you a player then you are guilty as charged. I miss the one month out of four that you call me almost everyday just to check up on me, and always ending every phone call by telling me you miss me. How you got so angry, or maybe acted angry at my every departure, yeah you almost changed my mind every time. I miss how you looked at me with dreamy eyes that engulfed every inch of me with the exception of my flaws. I miss you holding me close and how sometimes we did mot have to talk but nudge your fingers with mine as a symbol of understating, that you understood me, the one thing I searched for. I honestly miss you hugging me. It was powerful and inviting , like open gates to a world where I could be anything, even loved…..
Sure we kissed here and there but what I miss the most is when you took my hand every time we crossed a road. It was as if you just thought me too precious to be harmed, that alone aroused a priceless feeling. I miss that alternative you that I do not see in you right now. I guess you left him packed away along with your ability to express your feelings to me anymore, I really need access to that bag, before I pack mine too.

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