Mannequin Of Hope

The man without a face came again

I had resisted his charm for so long, but the veil of lies was thinning out

You know the usual lies; fake smiles, I am happy, I am strong, I’ll survive

But last night he found me ready to be wooed

He whispered the fatal question so gently

“you can do whatever you need”

I was beyond self medication

He offered me selective amnesia

Where to begin; the past is so coiled up I barely know where to start

What to choose from a vast selection of moments I want to undo

Maybe our first kiss

That joyful bliss at a funeral

Guilty of having happy memories amongst a depressing gathering

But that was not the start of the complex numbers

Maybe when we first sat so intimately next to each other

And I ushered you through an interpretation of my life

My cancer is how so much affection was left unspoken, unsaid, unappreciated, unexplored; immaturely discovered

It was magnified by the countless kisses in never before explored places embedded deep in memory

By the way; you will always be the first explorer to my virgin womanhood

My diagnosis was catalysed by my departure

And your refusal to let me go

Six months of catalogued thoughts of you in dreams

Six months of staring blankly past everyone

Only to find solace in looking at naked mannequins

Because they feed my illusions of who you are

They allow me to visualise the man I want you to be; where I want you to be:

Right here intimately next to me

Anyway no mannequins here, reality is that I am freelancing here

And you there, being the person I thought I would be this year

“Its quite alright man-without-a-face, there is too much I need to forget, then this would be a lesson forgotten”

For now I will comfort myself in that there is a reason life permitted you to scar me

And I shunned the man-without-a-face’s form of relief.  



2 thoughts on “Mannequin Of Hope

  1. your poetry is on point dude thats sme rare kick ass raw talent u guh er.dnt eva stop writtn u an inpiration 2 a lotta pipo ow er #cwazytalentd


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