Lies my mother told me

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He was the first I told of my afflictions

It must be love, mummy’s little girl told herself

Confusion whence the thoughts are repeated

Break the heart, pick it up; sigh,monotonous exhaustion,drop it

It must be perseverance mother’s bosom comforted

There is no greater agony than feeling lonely when in love

It must be you never him, you’ve always expected too much, mother’s shoulders will carry you

We do not speak the same language

It must b that your language is too demanding, momma raised a translator

“He is perfect for you, hence it must be you ruining everything”!

Fundamental thoughts planted by a misguided love.

 

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Fundamentals

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Do not owe any man your existence

Nor a species

Get your papers sorted

Be bullet proof when they drive by

Hiding their faces in the low rides

Smile and wave: You got you

Network, you can not float my Island

Don’t let the strings strangle you

God save me from the razor

Rather save me from myself

Never loved myself more

Than when I’m naked, blade and I

Water and blood percolate along my frame

Ear plug out the gentleman drunk on power

I’m over the complaints routine

If you are so unhappy, do something

Instead of drowning me in pools of what ifs of a lazy illusioned man

My sister gave birth to my love child

I have nothing to show for it

Mondays tuned out to be Sundays, the puppet strings go

Looks like I am slipping away

It’s just time for my book away

Shed a few close friends in my peeling

Sad, Rest In Peace girl I used to know

All in all I am Mining for patience

All the while being confused

By whether or not I should wait out destiny

Create the perfect moment yourself…eye roll

I don’t rhyme, I procrastinate

On a mission to kill this physical body

Riddled with fears and excuses not to share what the third eye contemplates

Death of self equals world peace

I know nothing.

Sunflower Day 2017

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  My TOPE (Tube-Of-Hope)

I first stumbled upon the Sunflower fund in 2014 after a failed blood donation left me frustrated. I do not know why but my sort of charity is primarily health related, I do what I can. There are a lot of ways to give back but I was particularly struck by the Sunflower fund’s focus on building an efficient South African Bone Marrow Registry.

Why a bone marrow registry? Well we all know that cancer has become rampant across all ages and races, one way which was found to help is bone marrow transplantation. Bone marrow transplantation and peripheral blood stem cell transplantation are procedures that restore stem cells destroyed by some types of cancer, and other blood diseases like sickle cell anaemia. The odds of finding a match are 1:100 000, so there is an urgent need to get as many people (not necessarily South Africans) as possible tested, evaluated and registered because with cancer, you honestly never know.

It takes just two test tubes of blood to become registered as a stem cell donor, but it the tissue typing of each sample at the required molecular (DNA) level currently costs The Sunflower Fund R2 000 per test. Donors are asked to make a voluntary contribution to this expense, but most of these costs are covered by The Sunflower Fund’s fundraising efforts.

Once the blood samples have been analysed, the individuals’ genetic information is then stored on the SABMR’s (South Africa Bone Marrow Registry) searchable database until the prospective donor turns 60 years old, which is the mandatory retirement age.

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#I AM HOPE

So let’s say for some reason you are unable to donate some stem cells, worry not. This is where the Sunflower Fund gets creative. For some years they have released bands and other items available for purchase usually from any Pick n Pay across the country, which goes to the fund. You can also make a direct donation on their website  http://www.sunflowerfund.org.zaThey also run school competitions to get children involved in the fight against cancer.

This year there are the Topes on sale in different colors, they are multi purpose so the whole family can join in. They can be used a sweatband, mask, scarf , etc and if you happen to be my size, you can wear it as a boob tube like I did in the featured photos.I like the I AM HOPE caption that comes on them, it appreciates the little you spend and how that is part of a bigger picture that can save a life. 15 September 2017 is Sunflower Day, save the date and look into what you can do to support an organisation set on saving as many lives as possible.

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love how I made this to work for me

Women’s month hangover

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I took to the underground, deep depths of my day to day routine to find out what I am most proud of as a young woman in Africa. I took to my own reflection to get answers of whether or not I am doing past struggles for equality justice. 

I am trying but there is still room for improvement. I still need to find a more positive response to those questions, you know, the ones your male friends always assume you have answers to. The ones that go like ‘why do you women…’ it’s never a good question. It groups us all into a little cluster and now I am judged by another sister’s actions. Like now I am healing someone else’s damage as I hold my brother/friend in the bosom of whatever selfish actions women took.

I am lending cash to a brother who’s girl won’t hear no for an answer to having her manicure session sponsored, that cannot be cancelled because your understanding of love includes his wallet.

I am babysitting nieces and nephews of women walking away from overwhelming ‘drama’ of the consequences of not only your choice in men but using the child card to get him to stay, only to find out he wasn’t the one. Ehhh excuse me but if you felt the need to get pregnant to pin him down then you were done for to start with.

I am exhausted by fake smiles and sexist comments that are whispered afterwards, because I prefer alternative clothing. I am tired of friendships that only last until the next best guy comes by. Also my shoulders hurt from all the sisters and brothers I have to console after having been backstabbed at work by some female who found a short cut to a means.

As a young woman, I have every right to call out some inconsiderate behavior (to say the least) expressed by some women out there. Some justify their actions because it’s towards men, and apparently all men are trash, but sister that man is my brother and a good man and I have to clean up your mess. Own up to your struggles, don’t beg for anything and nothing worthwhile comes from cheating your way to it.

Women’s month hangover thoughts.

He who made me from breaking me

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The one I’ve loved with all I understand to the word

He is not the one cheering me on , proudly in the front row

He who does not read the only language I’ve mastered to communicate in

And yet here I am in love beyond a doubt

I used to get angry at the whispered cheering

Then I became my own cheerleader

I used to be saddened by the conversations we should have had but you never wanted to

I became my own best friend

And after all this time

He who’s beauty I celebrate and thank God for every morning

He has never called me beautiful

He plundered all the fake confidence I had

Just in time to have me learn to love myself

For now I know I am beautiful

I am intelligent

I am enough, I am worth it

You’d think with all he has taught me by default

I’d leave, but all I want is him

He who breaks my heart everyday by misunderstanding  my heart strings

Without him I wouldn’t know how to walk alone amongst company

Without him I never would have realised  my self worth

And just how far I can take myself

He has made me strong because he loved me in a language I am yet to understand

I promised I would not walk away this time around

My strong self and I find that’s the only reason we’re still here most of the time

He who did not love me the way I thought love was to be sung

Is the one who taught me how to dance alone.

Day 30

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What makes you happy?

Knowing that this post completes my 30 day blog challenge makes me happy. With other life commitments it was very difficult to keep track but here I am at the finish line.

I am working towards living a life where I give more than I receive. I want my every breathe to count for something and that line of thought alone makes me happy.

Making my few favorite people laugh also brings immeasurable joy. When it is all said and done, witnessing the little man succeed against all odds is also quite satisfying, I am a sucker for a real life happy ending.

Thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me. Keep reading ☺

Day 28

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What is your zodiac sign and does it for your personality?

I do not believe in the horoscopes and hence I do not know which sign I am. I don’t believe it possible to truly believe in God and the horoscope. For a better break down of my beliefs please follow this link:
http://www.adventistreview.org/church-news/story4396-signs-of-the-zodiac-change-god-doesnt

Day 27

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Do you want to be famous?

No I don’t want fame. I do not believe it is as glamorous as we are led to believe. There’s nothing worse than having mush- minded individuals following your every move and passing judgement, as if they’re done and dusted in the art of life.

I want to be a remarkable poet amongst other things and if fame comes with it then so be it. But no self respecting person should seek fame. I am honestly convinced that it is quite similar to selling your soul to the devil.

Be humble , keep your head down and achieve your dreams. I’m old school like that.

Day 26

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If you could rid the world of one thing what would it be?

It has to be selfishness. People say there’s a good kind of selfishness, I beg to differ. The only reason people feel justified in putting themselves first is because they’re surrounded by people who are in turn selfish, hence they find themselves drained and empty inside. The whole ‘do you’ movement came to life to save people from a selfish and inconsiderate society that will always try to bring you down, regardless of how little they know about your struggle.

So if I had the blessing of the power to rid the world of something, selfishness would be key. There wouldn’t be hippies because it’d now be a norm for people to respect the environment and other people’s energies.

There wouldn’t be glorified humanitarians because we would all think of the next person, before dumping a baby, using tax payers money for personal use, dropping a bomb or starting a war. Once you remove selfishness and substitute it with respect, I believe the world would be better, almost of an utopian state that we can only dream about.

Day 25

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The last dream you remember:

It was last night actually. My colleague had come back to work, he just recently survived a hectic accident, so I was really happy and got him a cookie from my favorite bakery, Charly’s bakery. That’s about it. I’m glad my colleague is recovering and maybe this dream is a sign that I’m going to see him soon.