He who made me from breaking me

The one I’ve loved with all I understand to the word

He is not the one cheering me on , proudly in the front row

He who does not read the only language I’ve mastered to communicate in

And yet here I am in love beyond a doubt

I used to get angry at the whispered cheering

Then I became my own cheerleader

I used to be saddened by the conversations we should have had but you never wanted to

I became my own best friend

And after all this time

He who’s beauty I celebrate and thank God for every morning

He has never called me beautiful

He plundered all the fake confidence I had

Just in time to have me learn to love myself

For now I know I am beautiful

I am intelligent

I am enough, I am worth it

You’d think with all he has taught me by default

I’d leave, but all I want is him

He who breaks my heart everyday by misunderstanding  my heart strings

Without him I wouldn’t know how to walk alone amongst company

Without him I never would have realised  my self worth

And just how far I can take myself

He has made me strong because he loved me in a language I am yet to understand

I promised I would not walk away this time around

My strong self and I find that’s the only reason we’re still here most of the time

He who did not love me the way I thought love was to be sung

Is the one who taught me how to dance alone.

Day 30

What makes you happy?

Knowing that this post completes my 30 day blog challenge makes me happy. With other life commitments it was very difficult to keep track but here I am at the finish line.

I am working towards living a life where I give more than I receive. I want my every breathe to count for something and that line of thought alone makes me happy.

Making my few favorite people laugh also brings immeasurable joy. When it is all said and done, witnessing the little man succeed against all odds is also quite satisfying, I am a sucker for a real life happy ending.

Thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me. Keep reading ☺

Day 28

What is your zodiac sign and does it for your personality?

I do not believe in the horoscopes and hence I do not know which sign I am. I don’t believe it possible to truly believe in God and the horoscope. For a better break down of my beliefs please follow this link:
http://www.adventistreview.org/church-news/story4396-signs-of-the-zodiac-change-god-doesnt

Day 27

Do you want to be famous?

No I don’t want fame. I do not believe it is as glamoro as we are led to believe. There’s nothing worse than having mush- minded individuals following your every move and passing judgement, as if they’re done and dusted in the art of life.

I want to be a remarkable poet amongst other things and if fame comes with it then so be it. But no slef respecting person should seek fame. I am honestly convinced that it is quite similar to selling your soul to the devil.

Be humble , keep your head down and achieve your dreams. I’m old school like that.

Day 26

If you could rid the world of one thing what would it be?

It has to be selfishness. People say there’s a good kind of selfishness, I beg to differ. The only reason people feel justified in putting themselves first is because they’re surrounded by people who are in turn selfish, hence they find themselves drained and empty inside. The whole ‘do you’ movement came to life to save people from a selfish and inconsiderate society that will always try to bring you down, regardless of how little they know about your struggle.

So if I had the blessing of the power to rid the world of something, selfishness would be key. There wouldn’t be hippies because it’d now be a norm for people to respect the environment and other people’s energies.

There wouldn’t be glorified humanitarians because we would all think of the next person, before dumping a baby, using tax payers money for personal use, dropping a bomb or starting a war. Once you remove selfishness and substitute it with respect, I believe the world would be better, almost of an utopian state that we can only dream about.

Day 25

The last dream you remember:

It was last night actually. My colleague had come back to work, he just recently survived a hectic accident, so I was really happy and got him a cookie from my favorite bakery, Charly’s bakery. That’s about it. I’m glad my colleague is recovering and maybe this dream is a sign that I’m going to see him soon.

Day 24

Write about your worst injury:

I think I was about 6 at the time and I couldn’t ride a bike yet. Whenever he was feeling generous, my brother would let me pull a wheelie. I used to always think of it as an adventure until one day I got too excited and my foot got stuck in the spokes of the back wheel.

I still haven’t felt anything nearly as painful as that injury. It was excruciating to say the least, but I did get the best treatment to compensate. Believe it or not, I remember it fondly now because I got my favorite cereal and all.

Day 23

Letter to your future self:

Dear Chimbandi

There better be a few titles in front of your name by now, talk about pressure from your past.

Be you but whatever happens, no matter how much you do not like me, do not forget where you came from. You wouldn’t be where you are or as wise as you are without my mistakes.

Forgive but do not forget. If you’re different from who I imagined myself to be then it’s quite alright. I don’t mind as long as you’re happy. Change is the only constant we have and if you’ve adapted to the changes in your life, keep your chin up and make sure you’re happy.

I love you already.

Day  22

Letter to my teenage self:

Dear Faith

You don’t know it yet but very few people will be addressing you as Faith in the future. 

I don’t have much to say because I know you’re at that point where you feel like everyone is trying to tell you what to do with your life but don’t understand what you’re going through. The dark thoughts, they don’t end but you are going to find a way to be happy. You’re going to love yourself, you’re going to understand the distinction between being lonely and being alone. 

What you don’t know and probably won’t believe is that you will almost forget the pain and the dumb mistakes. It’s necessary to make you into the person you need to be. Surrender to the higher power you proclaim to believe in, everything falls into place once you completely surrender, you’ll be good.

Relax love breathe, there’s no rush to grow up.Quiet the mind when you can, that’s the key to the peaceful state I write to you from.